Thursday, January 30, 2014
What took you so long?
At this party there were many people there with large families. Many of the mothers in attendance were expecting their third, fourth, or fifth child. To say that I already felt out of place would be a gross understatement. I was sitting watching my son play, when a lady, who I had never met before, decided to come over and ask me THE QUESTION. This older woman looked at me and said "Is he your only child?" My reply was, "yes." Then she asked me how long I had been married, to which I replied 6 years. I could already sense where she was about to head, and was praying that I wouldn't have to answer this time. Alas, it blurted out..."You have been married 6 years and you only have ONE child? What took you so long? My daughter has been married for 5 years and she is about to have her 3rd baby!"As the question stabbed to my core, my husband thankfully overheard and came to my rescue. He politely responded that for 4 of those 6 years we were struggling financially, that he was finishing his degree, and that I had been working. He also added, "we wanted to make sure that my wife could stay at home with our son. That's what is important to her, and that's what was important to me. He is our blessing, he wasn't easy to come by, and we are proud to call him our son." The lady got the message and walked away, but the rudeness of her question still rang in my ears.
As I drove home that night I pondered her question and why I have heard it so many times.The sheer nosiness made me irritated. I wondered why she felt the need to shout about her own daughter's fertility to make another feel less than? Why do many women feel the need to hold a number over other women's heads? Her question didn't take into account God's plan, all she seemed concerned about was man's finite plan. Many of these "ladies" who ask this question forget that the road paved to being a mother is not always smooth. I began to wonder how many other women she has asked this question, who have experienced great grief in trying to have a child - maybe they have problems with infertility, maybe they have had miscarriages along the way - and yet this woman railroads them with a question that is none of her business. I am in no way saying that women shouldn't talk about childbirth, how many kids they wish to have, the struggles of being a mom, or the joys of parenthood; what I am saying is don't push God's plan for YOU onto another believer. Never make a sister in Christ feel ashamed of following God's whispers and leadings. To do so is selfish, arrogant, and un-edifying to a brethren. His plan is NOT our plans!
In God's eyes I am right where he wants me to be. I have peace in knowing that the wait for a child was worth it. I know that my son is a gift, as all children are. I waited patiently for my gift and I am enjoying it - every minute. I want us all to remember that children are not a way to elevate our spiritual status, personally nothing can elevate spiritual status - we have all fallen short and it is only God's grace that elevates us to be called His Children. Your worth is not wrapped up in a number. I believe that my worth is wrapped up in pursuing the dream that God gave my heart years ago - the desire to be a mom. God answers prayers...sometimes not in our time frame or exactly how we "wanted" it...but He does answer. So if you ever feel inclined to ask this question, step back a minute, ponder what God's plans and pathways may be for your sister in Christ...and remember not all paths are paved.
"For I know the plans I have for you...plans not to hurt or to harm you, but to give you hope and a future...." Jeremiah 29:11