Fireworks Grinch...

I will admit it, I am a fireworks Grinch. I didn't use to be this way, but something happens when you have a small child - sleep not reverie becomes your biggest and most precious desire. I became aware of my severe dislike of fireworks the first 4th of July after my son was born, he was not more than 5 months old, and had just fallen peacefully asleep! Yes!!! My excitement at maybe attaining a beneficial nights sleep was about to commence...when I heard the first BOOM and then the terrified crying of my now petrified and very awake baby. That evening, after my child was awakened not once, not twice, but multiple times; I began to dislike fireworks. The night after when the same scenario played out I began to loathe fireworks. When New Year's Eve rolled around I came to hate fireworks. As I watched the sky light up from the upstairs window, holding my screaming child as another explosion rattled the house, the feelings of malice towards all human species that owned a firework crept in...that evening I turned into the fireworks Grinch.



Now, let me say that fireworks have changed a bit since I was a kid. I do not recall being able to buy amusement park grade fireworks at the local stand, we (at least in my house) were limited to the small poppers...you know black cats, roman candles, the exploding tanks, sparklers, etc. Apparently now, one must buy fireworks that not only light the entire sky up, but they also have to have the capacity to wake the entire neighborhood up.  Also, in my day, fireworks were reserved for the actual HOLIDAY. I know this may seem foreign, but the 4th of July and New Year's Eve only last a day. That's right people a DAY, uno dia, 1, numero uno, ONE DAY! Yet it seems that the people who dropped serious cash on these fireworks believe these holidays last for a week or more. Parents can often endure the chaos for a night, but after the loss of several nights sleep the desire to bring the pain to the revelers escalates...quickly. Let me let you in on a little secret, lack of sleep causes the rational person to suddenly become IRRATIONAL. (I remember reading about a woman last year, who began hurling flaming poopy diapers over her neighbors fence after they kept up the fireworks barrage for several days. All she wanted was a peaceful nights rest. ) I realize that many people do not have small babies in their homes, but I do wish that they would keep in mind that in a suburban area the odds of several people having small ones is high. Also, let me just say that a fan or a noise machine in NO WAY covers up the galactic boom created by your freaking firework...so please don't tell me to turn the fan or sound soother on. It's laughable to even suggest it. Now spraying your fireworks down with my water hose does help the situation..well in my mind it does.

I am a fireworks Grinch. I proudly admit that I pray for rain on any holiday that involves fireworks, I cackle at every dreary forecast...I will even call the police (that's right you heard me) if you pop one off  days after the holiday has ended. I am a  rotten, cold hearted fireworks Grinch...and I make no apologies.  So beware fireworks junkies...there may be a Grinch next door...and like Zombies we multiply fast...because we are sleep deprived and angry. With one pop you may just incite the grinchy zombie apocalypse...